Saturday, 07 April 2012
I decided to tell Phil that I'm pregnant today since he may be the father. It could be a few other people but he's the closest thing to a boyfriend of any of the guys I sleep with and he'd make the best father. Luckily all the guys I've been fucking are black so the baby will be mixed anyways and since all black guys look the same it shouldn't be too much of an issue even if he isn't the father.
When I told him he lost it, completely and totally. He threw me up against the wall and then threatened the throw me down the stairs as he held me over the railing. He's married and his wife is pregnant so I can understand why he was so upset. I know he won't leave his wife even though I know he would rather be with me but maybe he will. Regardless, I'll nab him for child support since he's loaded so I won't have to worry about providing for my kid, unless he wants a paternity test then I might be up shit's creek. We'll see.
I haven't started showing yet although I feel bloated, tired and my headaches are unreal. My nose has been runny and my ear wax has been out of control. I'm sure more changes will be taking place soon, should be interesting.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
So, here it is! I'm pregnant for the second time in my life; this time the plan is to keep the baby. Mom doesn't know, Phil doesn't know and wouldn't care even if he did. I'm thinking about telling my friend Bruce tomorrow after my hair appointment. He always gives me the most powerful insight, and part of me wishes that he were the dad (all the good ones have to be gay ).
The pregnancy could be fine. I'm 26 years old, live on my own and make enough money. There's just one issue - I use cocaine and alcohol, and don't know if I can put both of these down for 9 WHOLE MONTHS. Hopefully those who read this blog don't think of me as a coke head, because it's just not like that. I use it lightly, and only when I drink. I doubt I spend more than $300 a month on it, which is pretty much nothing compared to most people. Some of my friends blow through a whole 8 ball in a night, but it takes me a month just to go through 2.
I am going to keep up with my dancing for as long as I can. I'm sure that I can get 3 months (possibly 4) before I become that fat pregnant girl on stage. Darnell told me he'd let me work a Friday gig, that should be an extra $1500 a week. That'll get me all the "maternity leave" I need.
My plan is to keep this blog updated every day throughout the pregnancy. Hopefully the blog serves as motivation to keep myself clean, as well as find support.
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